To be sure, nothing I say will discourage people who want to watch it from flocking to the Cineplex, judging from the rabid fanaticism displayed by many teenage girls, (and adult women and old women and even men as well oh God, what is the world coming to?) but for those of you who did not enjoy the previous Twilight movies, the chances are this one isn`t likely to change your mind about the franchise. At least, I sure as hell didn`t. (To the Twihards, a disclaimer: I`m not a fan of the books or the movies, so you may want to take this review with a pinch of salt. I`m also not a big fan of the cast, but I do genuinely like Taylor Lautner and Ashley Greene.)
Picking things up from the last movie, Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 1 starts off with Bella (Kristin Stewart) and Edward`s (Robert Pattinson) wedding. Wait, no, make that Jacob receiving the invitation to their wedding. That scene is important because it allows Jacob (Taylor Lautner) to stomp out of his house in a rage, tear off his shirt, and transform into a werewolf. How is a Twilight movie complete without Lautner`s abs?
So Bella and Edward get married, in a super lavish ceremony that girls only fantasize about and what is Twilight if not a silly female fantasy? Their wedding is crashed by Jacob, who comes to compete with Edward over who is better at brooding. Ok no, I jest. (Note to Lautner: you really can`t beat Robert Pattinson at his game. And you shouldn`t. You`re better than that.) He comes to share words with Bella, and because Edward understands that Jacob and Bella share a special connection, in act of self-sacrificial love, gives them some space to dance together and this is happening just mere hours after they got married. Of course, none of this makes any sense, but the Twilight franchise is immune to logic anyway, so I don`t suppose anyone watching would care much.
Off Bella and Edward head for their honeymoon, and in a beautiful island resort, they engage in a lot furniture-shattering sex. They also play chess a lot when they`re not bonking. Out of those nights of intimacy, a baby is conceived, which no one believed was possible, no less Bella and Edward. I can`t exactly remember the reason why, but it has something to do with vampires not being able to impregnate human beings. Which really makes sense. Edward is over a century old he should be shooting blanks by now!
Anyway, the demon spawn is crushing Bella from the inside, and her life is at risk. Edward broods a lot after this, prematurely blaming himself for causing Bella`s death. Elsewhere, Jacob and Bella continue to share words, and Jacob has to defend the unrequited love of his life from his former pack of werewolf buds.
I really don`t quite know what to make of this movie, because it is in part sex comedy (the first third of a movie), part psychosexual drama, and part coming-of-age tale, but never all three seriously or at the same time. There really isn`t any conviction in the screenplay to drive the film in any direction. And the direction isn`t that much better. For a movie that purports to be about coming-of-age and decision making, the pandering to teenage sensibility is blatant too many scenes are set to a nauseating score of gentle, romantic songs, and inevitably play out like an extended music video. In the end, I found everything too dull, too overwrought.
If you`re a fan of the books, you`ll not be too disappointed with the movie. But if you`re neither Team Edward nor Team Jacob, then join Team Don`t-Watch-This-Movie-Ever.
Rating: 2/5 Raymond Tan