The movie adheres loosely to the plot of the original novel: France is ruled in name by King Louis the 13th, but in reality by the ambitious Cardinal Richeliu (Waltz). The three musketeers plus callow sophomore apprentice D`Artagnan (Lerman) are quickly embroiled in court intrigue, political machinations and the theft of the queen`s bling to implicate her in a love affair with the Duke of Buckingham (Bloom). Along the way, they run into Milady de Winter (Jovovich), the on-again, off-again love interest of Athos (Macfayden).
To call Anderson`s adaptation The Three Musketeers would be a bit of a misnomer; a more apt, albeit cumbersome, title would be Bloody Big Explosions Michael Bay-style (With Three Dudes and An Irritating Boy). The musketeers are solid but hardly get any screen time to expound on their friendship or show off their fencing chops. Lerman`s attempt at playing D`Artagnan is more reminiscent of a Mouseketeer frat boy than a brash young swordsman, and his delivery is so wooden that one would think that he was cast as Pinocchio, attempting to convince you that he`s a real boy. Waltz`s intentionally hammy take on the Cardinal and Macfayden`s trademark sonorous delivery leaven the film with some entertainment value, but are hardly enough to save it from its atrocious script.
The creators of the film seem to be aware of these shortcomings, and try to camouflage them with a deliberately campy tone, and some frankly amazing CGI; all the miracles of technology present in the film, however, don`t astound quite as much as Orlando Bloom`s pompadour. Rather than adhering to the swashbuckling tone of the original work, Anderson has decided to take his adaptation one step further, into the realm of badly-staged farce. The result is a film that audiences will laugh at, rather than with.
That being said, the The Three Musketeers excels in creating a veneer of visual spectacles, and a promising alternate universe… now, if only Anderson had attempted to people said universe with some compelling characters.
SUMMARY: One for All… and All for Nothing.
RATING: 2 out of 5 stars
Raphael Lim